A Family Tradition

My great grandfather, David Cardwell Frederick, told his wife he was going to town for a loaf of bread. Instead, he and his brother Samuel joined the Army. In a few months they were on the front lines in France. Their unit, the 140th Infantry division, part of the 35th division, fought in the Meuse-Argonne offensive, in which both my grand father and his brother were wounded. My grandfather returned home after the war but his brother will always remain in France, another casualty in the war to end all wars.

In 1944, my Grandfather, John Samuel Frederick, also a part of the 35th division landed on Omaha beach, fought through the hedge rows and on to the border of Germany, His unit also took part in the rush to relieve the troops around Bastogne. I know this not from my grandfather, but from reading the archives of the 35th division in World War 2. My grandfather would never speak of the war and after reading about the battles they fought in, I understand why.

In 1961, during the Berlin Crisis, my father Jimmie Dale Frederick was at Check Point Charlie staring down the Soviet war machine as it constructed the Berlin wall and sealed off eastern Europe from the West. Although never in combat, my father served for 9 years.


           Jimme Dale Frederick

In 1984, I joined the Army and was sent to Fort Sill, Oklahoma for basic training. I trained as a forward observer and was stationed in Hanau Germany and Fort Bliss in El Paso, Texas. I never saw combat and feel fortunate that I didn't. I did, however, feel a connection with my forefathers during reforger 1985 (return of forces Europe). It is a week long training exercise in which the units that fought in Europe return for maneuvers; It even includes troops from England, Germany, and France. I met my wife Martina while stationed in Germany and that makes my time in the service worth every minute.

                                                                                                                 
                  John Michael Frederick

I Know that I had relatives that fought in the civil war and possibly others, but without actual information I did not include them in the blog entry. I am proud of my service and even more proud to follow in my families footsteps. We are a small group of Americans that put aside our personal wants to serve our country and on this day, I salute all who have served in any capacity. Happy Veterans day!

Age

Some say that age defines us. I think you are only as old as you want to be. I have known young people who act old beyond their age and people pushing eighty that get up and dance with a glass of wine to a tune they enjoy.

Age is something that all of us must face, each year we gaze in the mirror to the changes that the last twelve months have left us. Some faces carry the deep grooves of a hard life and some do not. But that really doesn't mean that those that don't, have had it any easier, it just means that they age differently.

For me, going to bed in my forties and waking in my fifties really didn't mean much. I am still the same ole John, with the same ole drive and desires. I just have another milestone of life in my wake. I feel the same as did when I was a teenager, maybe a few more aches and pains; well, a lot more aches and pains, but none the less, the same.

I am sure that some people think I am crazy to want to retire on a boat. The fact is, I don't want to wither away sitting on the front porch watching life go by, waiting for my number to come up. If it comes up when I am pulling line on a sailboat reaching for a foreign port, then I have lived to the last moment, and wont have any regrets.

Autumn

The light of day closes around us, cold and crisp, the howling wind. The leaves burst into flaming colors, before cascading slowly to the ground. Soon, the nakedness of the forest, the cold frost and withering vines are all that remain of the fading summer. Rain and wind, intermingled with brief glimpses of sunlight rule the days, cold frost and mists, the nights.The Autumnal equinox is upon us, half way between summer and winter, life and death.

With Autumn comes the harvest; a time to reap the bounty of our mother earth. A time to celebrate and give thanks for that bounty. A transitional time between life and death. Generations of people before us have prepared for the coming winter, storing food, and fuel, hunting and gathering. It has become a part of our souls. Still today people hunt and gather in the fall, fulfilling that primal need to prepare.

Sit in the forest this fall and listen, leave your busy world behind and open your mind. The squirrel scampering through the freshly piled leaves, stopping to scratch the earth in search of acorns, the bleating of a fawn seeking its mother, its tail quick to raise at the slightest hint of danger. If you listen close, you might hear the faint clang of antlers clashing deep in a draw as young bucks wrestle for dominance. The shriek of an eagle, searching for an afternoon meal, riding the thermals as it circles the wood. The sounds and sights go on and on, taking you back to a time before instant everything. A time when we were closer to nature.

Living close to the earth, taking only what one needs to survive: Autumn gives us that opportunity, to celebrate who we are, who came before us, and the bounty with which we have been blessed. Take a walk this fall and let your senses experience the world around you.

Full Circle

Once again the air is cooler, the leaves are changing colors, faster than one can imagine. Another year has come, and is quickly drawing to an end. Just like the season, we too change with the year, although so slowly it is hard to discern. My own colors are turning whiter as the the years fall off, or on, depending how you weather them, but I don't really mind getting older, its just another chapter of life to experience. This is a bitter-sweet time of the year for me; bitter because it ushers in the end of the sailing season, and sweet because I love the crisp clean air of Autumn.

With the end of the sailing season comes the work of getting the boat ready to make it through the long winter months. Sanding and scraping old tired varnish was the first order of business for Aquilon. All of the cushions, pillows, and blanket were stowed away or brought home. And the water systems were drained and refilled with marine anti-freeze. Working on the boat is a kind of therapy for me, concentrating on something other than my job, gives my mind the freedom to wander and contemplate the life aquatic.

During the winter months, we only visit the marina once or twice a month, just to check and make sure everything is ok with our big baby. This year we also had to winterize Williams jet ski; we will have to add that to our list to visit in the coming months.

The wind, from the east was cold and brought hints of the winter to come. Marina friends were all huddled in their boats trying to dodge the cool stiff breeze, while enjoying beverages with other friends. Our other friends, Deb and Tim, finally set sail for warmer waters after plunging their boat in the Chesapeake bay, the smile on their faces says it all about the adventure they are starting on.

Martina and I envy them, but it also gives us renewed enthusiasm to follow our own dream to be cruisers. Winter will come and go and spring will bring the promise of another season of sailing, and with it, we nudge a little closer to our goal.

Lest we forget.

A quote from one of my favorite movies: Excalibur "It is the doom of man that he forgets": So well spoken. All we have to do is look around and see that we make the same mistakes over and over.

Most people laughed off the government shutdown as business as usual, and I agree in part, but I want to share a story with you about a government shut down in another place and time.

At the end of the Roman Empire, Great Britain was one of the last foreign holdings of the Romans. As the Empire collapsed into itself, most Britons had no idea what was happening. People, being optimistic for the most part, didn't get alarmed as the legions pulled out and headed for mainland Europe. They only started to get anxious when the leaders and their families packed up and left, leaving cities like London largely deserted.

Within weeks, former chieftains and armed men were fanning out across the country laying claim to cities, towns and regions of the country. Normal people were displaced, killed, and robbed of their lifelong acquired possessions. People who had spent their entire lives in cities and relied on stores to buy food, clothing, and tools, were now forced to either starve or learn a new way of life.

Education and knowledge were lost: with in a few generations people had forgotten  most of the skills they had used in daily life. There were no more stone masons, potters, tanners, etc. Small settlements sprouted up all over the place as displaced people migrated together (misery loves company). The deserted large towns were used as quarries for stone and wood and many were thought to even be haunted in time.

This time period became known later as the dark ages; illiteracy, ignorance, war, and fear ruled the day. It would be another thousand years before the rebirth of knowledge and the arts. The great knowledge of the Greeks and Romans; satire, comedy, medicine, and philosophy all widely practiced and enjoyed for four hundred years of Roman rule faded into memory.

In our own time we are only one day away from the same type of calamity. Don't believe me? Take a look around you: If you couldn't go to the grocery store, how would you eat? You could grow crops, provided you had seeds, but that would take a season and you would starve well before that. Hunting is an option, but the majority of people alive today have never hunted, even if we could, our shear numbers would deplete the wild game supply in weeks.

If you are one of the lucky ones with a stocked pantry, you would become a target for people who would use violence to take what you have. It would be very similar to the story I just told you. Imagine gangs of armed men going house to house to take whatever they wanted. Dial 911? I don't think so, if your phone even worked. any police would be home protecting their own families and property.

I am not saying this will happen, but it could easily, all it needs is a catalyst. After the initial violence and starvation people would once again migrate together for safety at least. The song: A country boy can survive, has new meaning in a world out of control. If you are a city dweller, it might be a good idea to learn to hunt and fish. No more welfare babies in this world. Everyone would be required to pull their weight or be cast out of the community. It gives new meaning to being thrown to the wolves.

The good news is that society does rebound; in time of course. So, we would be long gone but our ancestors in a few hundred years should have it a lot better.

We can do our part to make sure it doesn't happen. We can vote out every member of congress and replace them with people who have our best interest in mind and not their respective political parties .The next time the government pushes itself to the brink hopefully they will consider the consequences and not forget the past.

Life is Amazing

Sitting in my easy chair, watching my granddaughter play with her dolls and stroller, it dawned on me that she, at 18 months old, is already a complete person. A person with likes and dislikes, wants and needs. Simply put, she has her own identity. Some would call it a soul and it is a real and tangible thing. If you have ever had the displeasure of seeing a person die, as I have, you would not doubt that a persons spirit  exists.

I an not a religious person, meaning that I do not subscribe to the established religious mumbo jumbo, but I do believe that things exist beyond the scope of our ability to understand them. If you look into the eyes of someone that is dying and see the fear and pleading in them as they slowly stare at you without seeing; the person that you once knew is no longer there and only the empty shell of their body remains; you will understand that the spirit does exist and it has traveled somewhere that we can not follow. At least not while we are alive.

Life is precious, it is a gift that many take lightly, some never get a chance to live while others squander theirs on drugs and alcohol. Death is the price that we all must pay for the privilege to live and I don't understand how some people waste their gift enslaving themselves to oppressive religions. We were given the ability to do and experience many of the very things that religion would wish to suppress. Is not beauty a gift from God? If so, why would we as mere mortals cover one of Gods creations?

"The Gods envy us for our mortality, because we live life with a passion, never knowing when it might end", Live your lives the way you want to, cherish the moments, feelings, dreams, and happy times that come your way because when your spirit takes that journey away from your staring eyes, regret shouldn't be your last thought.

Best sail of the year

Saturday the weather was amazing; add in a steady breeze from the Northwest, and you have the makings of a perfect sailing day. We started off the day grilling beef kabobs and enjoying them along with potato salad in the cockpit of the boat. Cool breezes and sunshine mixed with the gentle swaying of the boat made lunch even more enjoyable. After stuffing ourselves we headed out on the lake.

Having Martina's parents with us, we opted to use only our front sail so the boat wouldn't heel too much. We set the sail and pointed her bow towards the dam at the southern end of the lake. The wind was from the perfect direction to reach the dam on a single tack. The lake was a little choppy but Aquilon glides through the waves like a champ and it wasn't uncomfortable at all.

It took about two hours to round the point at Cole's Creek and approach the dam. We had the company of fish jumping out of the water and birds floating by on the trip down. There were plenty of other boats on the water enjoying the perfect day too. There is nothing more majestic than seeing a boat under full sail glide silently past as if pushed by invisible hands.

After a time, we turned Aquilon around and headed back towards the Marina, We tacked once to get around the point jutting out from Cole's Creek and then set a course straight into the mouth of the Marina. We made it back in record time and could have sailed all the way in, but common sense prevailed and we dropped sail to motor in.

After securing our sails and equipment we reluctantly headed back home; but with the memory of a beautiful sail on a beautiful sailing day.

Boat Haulin

Yesterday driving home from work I spied a semi hauling a sailboat. At first glance, I thought it was marina friends Tim and Deb who are starting their cruising dream, but this boat was headed west and they are going to the east coast. The boat being towed was the same color and similar shape, but I quickly realized it was too small to be theirs anyway.

I have probably seen lots of sailboats being towed in my almost fifty years on the planet but its only after becoming a sailor that I paid any attention to them. So much so, that I snapped a picture of this one as I passed her by.

I wanted to capture the name of the company for future references, but after reviewing the photo at home, I realized that the sailboat was in the mirror of my truck, and I thought that was kind of cool.

I don't know anything about the company "U.S. boat haulers" but if anyone is looking for a company to move a boat, they might be a good place to start; looked professional to me.

Seeing this boat on its way to who knows where, made me just a little envious, but I know that will be me sometime in the hopefully not too distant future.

JF
s/v Aquilon

The Sea

The Sea....
She calls to me, bidding me, take my place upon her swells. In the dark of night, only the stars to give me light, her shores give no reason to have fright, the waves lapping against a quay, dawn breaking across the bay. Sailboats anchored in the deep, awaiting the wind to give them reach. Over swells and breaking surf, out to sea open water is calling me. Stow the anchor, set the sails, point her bow towards the sun, with the wind at our back we chase dolphins on a run. Poseidon's breath pushes me along, I guide my bow into the throng, no land anywhere in sight, all my sheets set in tight, I settle in for the ride and surf along the ebbing tide. Over my stern I can see, rippling water; the only trace I've left of me. Worries in the past, over the horizon my eyes do cast. From one port to another, life has become like no other. To the sea I will wander and sail away to a life of wonder.

To be a Dreamer

Everyone dreams, but not all try to achieve them, to reach for a seemingly unattainable goal. Why are some people driven by their dreams and others ignore them? I remember when I was a child and I would have the most outlandish dreams; everything from  pirates to Archaeologists. I would lay awake at night and think of wild adventures and danger. I was, of course, the super hero in my dreams; boldly charging into every challenge to win the day or rescue the fair maiden.

I was a lonely child even though I was surrounded by family and friends. I turned inward to seek my own solace, even having an imaginary friend named Michael. Together we would build forts and play soldiers, camouflaging ourselves and spying on unsuspecting neighbors. It was a sad and wondrous time for me. Sad, because I felt so alone, and wondrous, because my inward reality had no limit.

It seems as we age our dreams become less important, or maybe more life centered, catering to our own careers and family life. I still dream of places I would like to see and sailing to far away shores, perhaps that's why I chose the path that I am on. I am still an introvert, often gazing into space, my mind a thousand miles away. Some people might mistake me as arrogant for ignoring them, but I'm probably not even in the same room mentally. I don't really care what people think about me anyway; I am who I am and happy with it.

If we didn't dream and imagine a life different from the ordinary we would still be in the stone age. Dreamers have always pushed the boundary of "what is" and found a way to achieve the "could be". Our world, in just the last hundred years, has changed more than in the last ten thousand. Much of the accelerated change has come through war and a pulling away from the ignorance and superstition of religion, but they started with someones dream.

Many people that read my statement about  religion will be shocked and they are welcome to their own opinion; but, the world was full of dreamers before religion dictated our lives for two thousand years, people like Aristotle, Archimedes, Plato etc. Much of their writings have been lost or destroyed during religious purges including the burning of the great library of Alexandria. Ghandi said it best "I like your Christ, its your Christians that I despise".When we started coming out of the fog of religion during the Renaissance, ideas and dreams became a reality. Perhaps that is why we have come so far, so fast; pent up energy and free thinking exploded outward, and we are still pushing our horizons today.

God gave us the ability to dream and the reasoning skills to achieve them, so close your eyes and let your mind wander. You may be surprised where the journey takes you or the goals you set out to accomplish. I know I am well on the way to living mine, after all I dream about it everyday.

Mother Nature can be....

Very Frustrating!

That was very evident this past weekend.

After three weeks away from the marina, we took Aquilon out for a Saturday sail, we were happily greeted with nice mid eighties temps, low humidity, winds around 10 mph with gusts a little over. Not bad for Carlyle lake in the summer, which is usually very hot and humid with little or no wind. After motoring out of the harbor we put out the Genoa sail, but after a few minutes, and wanting to sail faster, I turned her into the wind to set the main sail. We turned south, headed towards the dam on a beam reach. Aquilon likes spirited winds and dug in for a fast run toward the dam. After clearing the point of land at Coles Creek, not wanting to go all the way to the dam because of boat traffic, we tacked, and pointed her bow just south of the mouth of the creek. She was sailing very nice and it was relaxing, Martina even sat behind the wheel for a while and got some good practice in.

Being ill for 3 weeks left me tired and easily exhausted, so we decided to turn back to the marina after a couple of hours and good sailing, on the way back we were sailing fast, over 7 miles per hour, heeled nicely on a close reach. We went on a single tack all the way to the start of the shallow area of the lake just south of the south tower. We tacked toward the marina; that's when Mother Nature decided my fun was over for the day.

The wind changed direction; after being from the northeast all day, it decide to blow from the east; the same direction that I had just turned toward. So I veered a little more south hoping it would change back and let me continue to sail east. With no change from the wind, we tacked again, heading almost straight north. As soon as we had the sails adjusted, the wind shifted north, once again right on our nose. Now for those of you that are not familiar with sailing, you can not sail directly into the wind. You can, however, sail about 40-45 degrees of the wind or closer depending on your boat and/or rig. With Aquilon I can get within 20 degrees of the wind close hauled and she sails very well on that tack.

This went on for over two hours, tacking back and forth, the wind seeming to tack with us, and we only progressed about 200 yards up the lake. My pleasant sail after a 3 week hiatus, suddenly made very frustrating and took the rest of the wind out of my sails, (pun very much intended). So, with about 300 yards to go I threw in the towel and fired up the "Iron Jib" and made way toward the marina.

When we got back, I was so exhausted that I went below and laid down for a while and let the "crew" stow our sails and gear.

There is no moral to this story except that we are always at the mercy of Mother Nature and she can be a fickle lady; just when you think she is on your side, she will remind you of who is really in charge.

Dont forget to live a little

When planning and preparing for a retirement goal, sometimes we loose sight on whats right in front of us. Talking with my wife this past weekend, we discussed feeling like we were in limbo, between work and retirement and that nothing seemed to give us joy. I thought about that a lot and realized that tomorrow may never come. All of our planning and preparation can fly out the window in a instant": One slip and fall or a health problem and its over, and you will have lost out on some valuable time along the way.

Time; oh time, we could fill volumns writing about this elusive subject that always seems to slip through our fingers. Time is fleeting; I like a quote from a movie, (can you guess which one?) " You are never more beautiful than you are today". If you think about that quote; it makes sense because we are aging everyday and our lives are only a tiny speck in time. Youth is replaced by middle age before you know it, and old age is on the horizon. It's something we all must face, every breath of air in our toxic world brings us closer to the end.

If you are religious you would be much better off praying to Gods like Bacchus or Aphrodite; good food, wine, love and merriment abound. People in antiquity lived for the moment more than we do today. Their lives could be snuffed away from disease, war or famine in a heartbeat. They embraced their fleeting moments with gusto and were probably much happier people than we are. They had a passion that we can only dream about, you can see it in their art, their architecture, and their writing. They lived and loved like it would be their last day on earth, hence the saying " Carpe Diem" (Seize the Day).

I decided that preparing for retirement is a good thing, but living while I get there is just as important. I plan to enjoy my wine, my food, smile more, laugh more and be happy along the way. Oh, and of course sail more!

Early Morning Serenity

Does a tree falling in the forest make noise if no one is there to hear it? This is a question that is both simple and complex to answer, but I have different perspective to throw in there, Yes, it does. I say yes, because today while sitting on the stern of my boat and sipping coffee, watching nature come to life in the early morning, I first heard the crack of wood breaking, then the noise of something falling through the foliage and finally the crash of a tree hitting the forest floor. I can say yes, because I wasn't in the forest but observing it from across the small waterway that surrounds the marina.

What the tree falling has to do with serenity is a simple answer: Sitting this morning watching the birds rustling in the bushes, fish jumping in the water, and waterbirds diving for unseen fish, I realized that the choice Martina and I made to retire on a boat and our quest for serenity is the right choice for us. It was a serene setting and it gave me a good feeling. A feeling that people should take more time to just sit and listen and observe nature and see the beauty that is all around us.

We should not consider ourselves the masters of this planet but rather the stewards of nature. Serenity to me is coexisting with our surroundings and making the smallest impact on it. Sailing can take me across the ocean with only the wind to propel me: no pollution and no waste. Some people complain that sailboats are too slow, but isn't that the point? To embrace the journey? Slow down, observe the world around you, and you may see things in a way you never had before and come away with a greater understanding of our world and how we fit in it.

I want to sip my coffee every morning is a new destination, a new island, or a new continent and observe not only nature but human culture and history.

In search of a good nights sleep

 

Everyone enjoys a good nights sleep; but sleeping on a sailboat can be uncomfortable depending on the size of the boat and the layout of the berths. Our Catalina is no exception. It's rated to sleep 5 and I guess people were smaller in 1983 when our boat was made or they at least had shorter legs. Now I am not a tall person, a large one, yes, but average in height and 3 out of 5 sleeping berths aboard Aquilon are too short for me.

After spending a few nights on the boat in either the stuffy v-berth or in a modified fetal position on one if the salon cushions, I decided to re-engineer the sleeping arrangement in the boat.

I decided that I wanted a full length double bed but to achieve that I had to get creative.

I looked at all kinds of boats on- line and decided what I needed was a folding bed that would fit between the seats in the salon. The bed could be folded and stored in the quarter berth during the day and set up in minutes when ready for bed.

I took all of the measurements, sat down created a drawing of what I had in mind, visited the local lumber stores and purchased wood and hinges, and set about building my bed.

For those of you that know me, I am an amateur woodworker and have made several pieces of furniture: So, I have all the tools and just enough know- how to be dangerous.  I first made the wings of the bed and screwed the hinges on so it folded. The bed would need some supports underneath to hold the weight of 2 adults so I made 2 folding legs but quickly realized that because of the way it folded (with the seam pointed up) that I couldn't attach the leg and have to table still fold. After pondering a solution for a day or 2, it finally dawned on me how to make it work. I added a strip of wood between the halves of the bed that was the same thickness as the folded support legs, and repositioned the hinges on either side of the strip of wood.

 The bottom of the bed from the bottom






                                                                  The assembly folded

With the wooden bed base constructed my next stumbling block was cushions. Upholstery is expensive. It costs several thousand dollars to re-upholster the cushions on a boat. With that in mind, I wanted my cushions to be comfortable, look nice, and match the existing cushions as close as possible. I didn't want to spend a lot of money for this project, so I decided to make my own.

 I found a sewing machine on Craigslist that was decent (and cheap), watched several videos on YouTube demonstrating how cushions are made, purchased foam, an electric knife to cut said foam, sailrite marine grade fabric and set about making cushions.

             Cutting the material to size.

                                                      After the side panels were attached.

                                                                                                                 The finished product.

I am pretty proud of how they turned out considering I have never used a sewing machine or made a cushion before. The most rewarding fact, besides how they look, is the amount of money I saved, just over $150 including the sewing machine.

With a few minor adjustments and attaching the piano hinges for the rail to the sides of the boat, William (my son) and I, laid the bed in place and checked the fit. Now, I have been making things out of wood for a number of years and its been my experience that nothing fits perfect, but this bed assembly surprised even me and fit like a glove. We arranged the cushions and added a comforter that Martina (my wife) and I picked out purchased for the new bed.

                                                                 The bed frame installed

Another view installed

                                                           William adjusting the cushions

It turned out better than I expected and is very comfortable. Now I look forward to having a good nights sleep aboard Aquilon. With many years to go before we purchase our live aboard retirement boat, we now have the sleeping arrangements of a large boat on our little cruiser.

It's Raining

This is the time of year that I love to hate. One day it is sunny and 70 degrees and the next it is 40 and raining. I am anxious, of course, to get my sailboat in the water, but with rainy, windy days, her launch has been steadily pushed back. It is still very early in the season and many boat still pack the dry storage area of the marina, but, as I said "I am anxious". I have lots of projects to accomplish before she ever sets sail. All of these tasks have to be performed with the boat in the water.

Aquilon will be getting lazy jacks and with that, the new sail cover has to be modified to accommodate the lines for them. She is also getting a new blue Bimini boot to replace the ugly red weathered one she once sported. All of these newbies have to wait until the top side is power washed and waxed, and that requires her to be floating. I could take care of the washing and waxing on the cradle but I don't like the idea and standing on a slippery deck while it's 10 feet off the ground.

I am one of those people that has to constantly be adding or upgrading or redoing something on their boat. For me, maintaining and working on the boat is almost as rewarding as sailing her. We spent Saturday a week ago power washing her side and bottom, then removed any stains and gave her a coat of wax. She is sitting pretty on the cradle waiting for a weather window to be launched.

I miss being able to go to the marina and just walk in my boat and relax, have a hot cup of coffee or a drink or two. I also miss the feel of Aquilon gliding across the water, only the breeze propelling her. Relaxing, listening to the wind moving in the rigging, the ruffle of the sails when they luff and the snap when they fill again. Sounds that any sailor would associate with. I know that one day very soon she will be in the water and we will also be sailing, but after months of winter, I am a bit anxious.

Time Marches Forward

Time is one of those love- hate relationships that everyone has: There is either not enough time or things take too long. I remember when I was a kid during summer vacation; days seemed longer, and it took a lifetime before the next school year started. It felt so long, that even friends changed over the summer, with new hair styles, clothes and some even grew taller. As I have aged, time seems to have accelerated. Every year time goes by faster and faster, children grow into adults, and even though we want to slow things down and enjoy the moments, time slips away like water through our fingers.

As I sit and reflect on time and its relentless march forward, I know that I am on the back side of life and the downhill slide moves faster than the climb. I also know that my retirement will also be closing in. My wife and I, as many of you know, have plans to retire on a sailboat and cruise the Mediterranean, visiting many of the sites from antiquity . My only wish is that time slows back down after we retire so we can enjoy those moments that we have worked so hard to achieve.

February is the heart of winter, even though our thoughts are turning to spring, with the sun setting later in the day and the air, crisp and clean. My thoughts, however, turn to sailing this time every year, and time for me, becomes a hate-only relationship. I cant wait to get my boat back in the water! Every warm days makes me want April to hurry up and get here. I count the days to get things done on the boat so that when we launch, we can enjoy her right away.

Memories

Memories fade with time: The once vivid thoughts that accompany pain or pleasure dull over time, like the white wash on a weathered fence, leaving behind only a fragment of the rage or passion. Memories of loved ones lost also fade with time. I remember my Grandparents, even my Great Grandparents, but as the slow march of time rolls ever forward, the memories that I have change. A memory that I hated at the time, might make me laugh today, or possibly even cry.

Today is my Fathers Birthday, he passed away in 1984, he would have been 75 years old. Many of the memories that I carry about him are not pleasant, but some are. We never had a close relationship, and I regret that today, we were like two Bulls circling in a pin that was too small.

As a child growing up I was afraid of him. I was afraid to raise his anger because it usually ended with a beating for me. Many nights I went to bed with welts on the back of my legs, butt, and lower back, too painful to move and unable to sleep. Its not surprising that I avoided him at all times. Its hard for me to write this and I am sure many people will be shocked to read it, not knowing or thinking that my Father would be like that.

Even after all of the abuse, mental and physical, I still loved my father. When I was 18 he tried to fight me over some insignificant event, I cant even remember why now, I was strong and grown by then, but I wouldn't fight my Father, instead, I held him in a bear hug and spoke to him in a calm voice and told him that the time for beatings had come to an end. I felt the rage and fight leave him and he actually relaxed in my arms. He walked away and never laid hands on me again.

I left for college and then the Army shortly after that incident. My Fathers health steadily declined in the next few years, but we became closer, I guess I had finally earned his respect when I joined the Army. When I reflect back and try to understand his reasoning and methods, I realize that he wanted to prepare me for a life without him.

It may come as a surprise to some, but I don't hate him, not anymore at least. I don't agree with his methods at all, and I made a promise to myself years ago that I wouldn't treat my own children that way. I kept that promise and I am close to both of my kids. He was a hard man with hard ways and I always tried to measure up. I never gave up trying to earn his respect, even today I wonder what he would think about me and the path my life took. I like to think he is up there looking down on me with a smile on his face.

Happy Birthday Dad.